jigglyjenni

Forgive me buddies, for I have sinned, it has been a full week since my last blog.  I lost it, and to think i was doing so well. I just need to erase these past 2 weeks from my memory so that I can move on.  It was rainy the entire week so I didnt get much biking in, and I had to finish up one of my classes and had a big exam so that took up any minute of free time I had.  Im not trying to make excuses, but it was just really rough.   And the weekend was no better.  I did the unthinkable…. and went to McDonalds.  I need to confess, I had the 2 cheeseburgers value meal with a chocolate shake…. and then a McChicken.  Disgusting.  I felt absolutely worthless the rest of the day, weighed down and bloated.  I thought I would have enjoyed this slurge but it ended up making me feel extremely bad about myself.  I also refilled the candy jar at work, well,  it’s more of a candy bucket really, its huge.  It’s in my office for all to enjoy, except I think that I do most of the enjoying.  I bet I ate at least 25 hershey kisses today, no joke.  At 25 calories a pop that is something I could have done without.  I want tomorrow to be a new day and a fresh start, I just feel like I do not have the motivation anymore and am so afraid of this spinning out of control again.   I can’t let myself quit again

I absolutely loooooooooove grilling out….brats, hotdogs, burgers, steaks…. I so much enjoy potato salad and noodle salads and chips……. and my best friend Michelob Golden Light is never far away.  I had my first brat of the season today, I KNOW BETTER!   I have no idea how I will survive this summer! And it’s hard to each right when you’re camping, and I have a few trips planned already!!   HEEELP!!!!

I just can not keep it together over the weekend!  I’m not sure if it’s because Tom is home and I’m around my family more or what, but I warp into a completely monster.  Yesterday I ate lunch at Burger King (which I don’t even really like but was convenient), then went out to dinner with friends at this little restaurant that has the most amazine chicken raviolis, I think they put cocaine in the sauce because it is extremely addictive.  We went out last night to see Tom’s friend’s band, and I probably had about another 10,000 calories worth of beer and jello shots….. :S   Then today of course was mothers day, so we had brunch with Tom’s family, then lunch with  my family and of course cake and ice cream.   I feel absolutley stuffed, I don’t know where all that food went but I have a feeling tomorrow at weigh in I’m going to be sadly disappointed in myself again.   On the plus side, we did bike 12 miles this evening, bringing me up to 45.75.  I’m right on track, so that feels great.  4 weeks left and only 66.25 miles to go, I almost don’t want it to be over.  It’s motivating, and I’m afraid once it’s over I will lose that.

…. it has officially set in.   I suppose this is what I get from doing little to nothing before with it except sitting on it.  And to think I spent all that money to buy a nice new gel seat, only to delay the inevitable.  I went 7.25 miles tonight.  Must…go…. on!   Keep blogging everybody, I may not always have time to comment but I’m reading….I’m….watching….you…(is that creepy??) Ha! Keep up the hard work!

I just got back from a 9 mile bike ride,  from my sisters house in town to mine out in the country and then back into town.  I thought I was going to die!  It is so hilly, and it was soooo windy, just starting to storm here now.  We got back there and it started raining, just in time!  My sister brought me home, and on her way back to her house she called me to tell me I better not be riding out here in the country alone anymore…….. there ws a HUGE black bear and a cub right where we had just biked!  If I saw that when I was biking by myself I would FREAK.  I would completely panic,  I wouldn’t know what to do!  AHHHH.  I better stick with riding in town!!!! Or put a gun rack on my bike……  Anyway, 26.5 miles down total now.   Oh and I weighed in yesterday, 163.4, only down about 1/2 a pound from last week, but better than nothing I suppose!

Today was my friend’s baby shower.  I knew this was going to be bad and I was prepared… or so I thought!!  As hard as I tried, I could not seem to control myself around the food and the most delicious cake.   By the end of the afternoon my belly was so full I thought I was going to have to unbutton my pants on the way home!  What was I thinking!!!  It was a long care ride home so I had about an hour to think about what I had just done as I rubbed my over-stuffed belly.  I feel like I try so hard and then just throw it all away!   I got home and let my stomach settle a little, then got on my bike for 5 miles.  I have been lazy the last few days and am starting to fall behind my plan for my challange.  I’m up to 17.5 miles now,  so 94.5 to go.   At least it made me feel a little better about myself that I got some exercise.  Tomorrow is my weekly weight-in day and I am TERRIFIED! I feel like if I didn’t lose something I will freak.  Even half a pound will be ok, but if i don’t lose any or gained some I am not going to be very happy, and I’m the only one to blame!!

I am reeeeally having a hard time tonight!!!!  I think reading everyone’s blogs is the only thing keeping me sane!  I’m  having a HARD time not weighing myself, I weighed in on Monday and am committing to only weighing once a week, otherwise I do it constantly and get OBSESSED.  I’m also doing everything  I can think of to get by right now without heading for the fridge.  I’m just bored and lonely and I know I will regret it if I eat something more so I’m staying strong.  I’ve already eaten plenty! I miss my boyfriend Tom, I usually go see him on Wednesday nights because otherwise I only see him on the weekend, but tonight I had some other things to do.   I’m usually busy so this down time right now is KILLING me.   My friend had her baby last night, a little boy, at the hospital where I work so I stayed for a while after work tonight to visit.   Then my cousin showed up to visit with her adorable 4 month old baby girl.  I have a babyshower this weekend for my friend Ann, and my friend Steph’s baby shower is at the end of May.  There will soon be babies everywhere I turn :)  I am so happy for all of my friends.  At the same time I can’t help feeling a little sad.  Most of my friends are married to wonderful husbands and are starting their families.   I want this too, but instead I’m stuck here living in my parent’s basement (apartment down here, so it’s not sooo bad….) and my boyfriend is hours away all week.  I just need something more, there just feels like so much missing right now. I get up, I go to work, I come home, I do homework most nights, I go to bed.  Ugh.  I know there is no rush and I am young, life just feels so…… empty.  Tom will be home for summer in about a month so I’m staying as positive as I can, but come August it’ll just be the same sad story, back he goes and here I sit alone.    SOO sorry about my pity party tonight…… on a positive note I biked 4 more miles tonight, so 99.5 to go, I so can do this!

I decided that since I’m starting a new challenge I should probably update my pics.  After all, the ones on here now are from 2008.  So that will be coming in the next few days!  I got 4.5 more miles in on my bike today, 103.5 to go

I hope all you buddies out there are doing well!  Today’s Monday.  As much as I hate Mondays, what a perfect day to start fresh when you need it!  Today was a long day, and I was feeling really tired after work today.  Now 1 hour of Zumba and 4 miles on my bike later, I am completely exhausted!  This is going to be harder than I thought  :S  …. oh well… only 108 miles to go….My official iron man challange started today,  weight is 163.8 (up 1/2 pound from last weight in, poo!)   Not weighing in again until next Monday. 

Just a quick post tonight so I don’t let myself go MIA from here again!!  Was busy ALL weekend, and the weekend was rough… Taco Johns, beers, candy….  Tomorrow is the very first day of my 6 week iron man challange though, so I’m going to weigh in again in the morning to have a definite start weight, and then weekly until the challenge is over.  I’m guessing I’m up a couple pounds, but that’s ok! I will get it back.  My bike hasn’t moved for a while… time to get serious!!