jigglyjenni

I am back, and not well.  I have gained almost all of the weight i had lost back.  I’m being lazy, and eating chocolate.  I am struggling with school, with work, and with my relationship.  Things just never work out for me and seem to be failing fast.  I’m not looking for sympathy, or excuses, or anything like that.  I just cant focus on anything right now, too many things need my attention, and my body just hasn’t been one of them.  I am worn out, and can’t imagine trying to fit in a work out on top of everything else going on.  I really have to do something for myself though and fast because I looked at the scale yesterday and just wanted to die

Hey everyone.  Just wanted to do a little update on here, I haven’t completely forgotten about the site, just been busy with other things, like i said in my last blog.    On top of everything I was already struggling with before, a friend of mine was killed in a car accident a week ago, I’m having a really hard time.   I don’t deal with death well at all at.  I am going to try to get back to this and take care of myself better, and hopefully that will ease some stress and take my mind off things, and make me feel better about myself too.  I don’t know.   I weighed in for the first time in a while yesterday, im back around 166.  So I did lose a little through all this.

Hi everyone.  I belive it is time for me to own up to this.  I haven’t been on here in a while, and have not exercised for quite some time.  I also have been eating worse than I ever have before (as in, 2 chicken sandwhiches, 2 ice cream cones, and a pepsi for lunch…..a BOX of mac and cheese for dinner…..etc..etc…)  I  was feeling really crappy about myself, and then I checked the mail and there was a letter inside from the gym I used to belong to.  It was encouraging old members to come back for the fall by letting them back in without the joining fees again.  So, I am thinking about it.  When I first joined, a year ago, I went all the time and lost about 10 pounds.  Then I stopped cold turkey and gained it all back.  This past summer I was running outside at night instead, but now I work until dark and don’t feel comfortable going out alone.  The gym is 24 hours, so I could go whenever.  And it is going to be getting cold soon enough, I know I won’t be out there in the snow.  So I have to decide what to do here.  I had a weekend full of bad food and wedding cake and drinks.  I feel bloated and heavy.  I weighed myself this morning.  169.  Thats up 3 lbs from last time.  UGH.  This is just too much for me to handle.  There is way to much going on right now.  Confusion with my internship and school, not getting along with the bf, feeling very alone away from family, leaving my job… I’m not trying to make excuses… I just feel so helpless… ok, done venting for the night…. thanks for reading

Ok so my last blog was all bitter and depressing… Sorry.   I have been thinking about it a lot and I decided that I just need to get over whatever it is that is stopping me and do this if it is really that important to me.  And I need to decide how bad I want this, for me.  So I have gotten back on track by eating smaller portions again, and am walking to class to get some extra exercise (takes 25 minutes just to get to campus, and i walk fast!)  Still working on the getting out of bed in the morning thing.  But, I’m going to be thinking long and hard about whether or not this is something I truely want and need, and if it is, then it’s time, i know its not a now-or-never thing but I’m feeling like if this is something I am going to do, then its time to do it now!

I hate this.  I weighed on friday, even though i knew it was going to get ugly.  168.4.  I gained 2.5 lbs from the last week, and am now at the same weight i  was at the begining of july, 2 full months ago.  What the hell is my problem.  I was doing so great, was down to 164, and the past few weeks i have just been throwing it all away.  I can’t find the strength to run every night anymore, and i can’t find the strength to not shove as much food as i can into my mouth every free second i have. this week was my first back in class, and am starting my internship next week.  I am praying that being busier during the day will help.  I just feel like I can’t do this.  I wrote a blog a while ago about not giving up because it will happen.  Well, right now i don’t feel like that at all anymore.  I’m watching the scale go back up, and doing nothing about it.  I need something to snap me the hell out of this.  I’m afraid I’m going to gain everything back and have to start completely over.  My boyfriend says I just have to try harder, and I know he is right.  He thinks I need to be getting out of bed in the morning and starting the day with a workout, so I am sure to get it in and also because then maybe it will help remind myself throughout the day what I am doing.  I don’t know, I’m NOT a morning person.  Getting up at 7:30 is early enough for me!!!

Hey, So… I STILL DON’T HAVE INTERNET AT MY APARTMENT! How irritating.  They said the earliest they could come out and hook us up is next thursday!! I start school again on tuesday, and when i am in school i am on the internet like, a few hours a day.  What the heck will i do! what did people do before internet existed?  I have been way way way way way off track too, this past weekend i addeded up all the “extra” things I ate besides my meals, and it was enough to feed a small army for sure.  I just started exercising again last night, it felt good but its so hard “starting over”.  I just want to get back on track but its soooooooooooooooo haaaaaaaaaaaard!  Hope all my buddies are doing well, i wish i could spend more time looking over your shoulders and bugging you!!!! Don’t worry i will be back to that soon

Hey guys.  I have been MIA for almost a week, sorry!! I finally got moved and am getting all settled in, but we still don’t have internet or cable or anything modern like that so I had to cart my ass to the library tonight to get online (rode bike though so sqeezed in some exercise).  Anyway… I just am feeling a little overwhelmed right now with moving, school starting, internship starting, same old stuff i have whined about before.  I have been too tired at night to exercise, i figure moving all my stuff up three flights of stairs over 3 days is enough exercise anyway……. And i haven’t exactly been dieting at all….. But I am getting back on  track as of NOW.  Tomorrow is weigh in, ugh… oh well, we’ll just have to see …  I hope everyone is doing well.  As soon as i get internet up and running i will make sure i check up on all my buddies.  Keep on keeping on!!!

So, this week I have been feeling really down, and worthless, and wanted to give up because i felt like i was just totally ruining everything i was working for.  I still worked out, but not as much, and I still ate somewhat healthy.  But I also had  few drinks  last weekend, ate quite a bit of chocolate, went out to buffalo wild wings, and had a dq blizzard yesterday.  I was certain that the scale would show all the mistakes I was making.  I was expecting to gain a few pounds.  But….. I got on the scale this morning…… I lost 2.2 lbs!! WHAT?!?!!  I can’t freaking believe it, i reweighed myself 4 times, went to the bathroom, reweighted  myself again…. yep…. 164.8.  Incredible.  So, now my mini goal is sneaking up on me, I am going to push really hard and hopefully I will be there in 2 weeks!!!!  AHHH What an amazing feeling.  And i have wanted to give up sooooooo many times.  I just want everyone to know that it is totally possible to reach your goals if you put the effort in, and don’t be afraid to treat yourself once and a while to those not-so-healthy things,  knowing i can sneak a few bad things in during the week keeps me going!!  Good luck everyone!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEEEEEASE DON’T GIVE UP!!!!!!

I feel like CRAP!  And its a feeling that is hard to explain… a little bit of a stomach ache, a pretty bad headache, my throat is a little sore.. its just an entire body ache.  And feel like I weight 20000 pounds and am stuck to my bed and it would take 9 cranes just to lift me up to sit up (i’m laying in bed with my lap top)  I felt prefectly fine this morning.  I woke up, did a few things around the house, and went to work (today work consisted of a trip to this really great biking trail where we biked about 7 miles along the river, i’m so spoiled….)  It started raining on the way back, maybe thats why i feel gross, from being out in the rain and then getting cold in the truck and then being out in the heat again.  We also stopped at dairy queen on the way home (I know, I know).  The kids wanted ice cream….  I’m a kid at heart….  Anyway, maybe my body is just pissed because i had tjat cookie dough blizzard, because now i don’t feel like i could eat a thing even if i wanted to, not even a granola bar or cereal.   I just feel too sick and drained to eat, probably will just stick supper.  UUUHH and I am moving tomorrow, I really hope this goes away overnight! 

That is what the little voice inside my head is SCREAMING right now…. can you hear it too??????  Let’s shut that little guy up shall we…. all together now…. ready….. set….. GOOOOOOO